On Becoming Half-Orphan(Personal Dairy-I)

Dear readers, today’s mood directs me not to write on topics of global concern, I realize, you too need a break! That very thought made me ask many self questions as a result of which I finally landed on something personal, I know personal stories are always sensational. Again I beg your pardon, there’s nothing sensational about this…🤷‍♀️

Being the younger one among the two daughters of my parents, I enjoyed minority privileges, also as His pet until my father passed away in 2016, November 14th. Don’t ask me what happened later on, it’s a question of judgement than a matter of concern. As he consoles me often in my dreams, I sense his presence by my side, though at times I turn angry at him.I am sorry Pa…you often make me very much realize how much do I miss you…

I must tell you that he had prolonged cardiac illness, since my higher secondary days itself. Once he was so close to a total collapse, but due to science and its inventory medicines, he surpassed moments of anxiety. He dropped out of smoking which otherwise was the only stress buster he resorted to. He gradually was back upon the horse again. Years went by, he got easily tired from short walks yet he pretended to be alright. He attended the regular check-ups which once again confirmed everything is normal. Nothing was happening. One of those check-up sessions he attended along with the company of my mother and our neighbour driver friend, he had a sudden collapse. Soon he was diagnosed with Lung Cancer! A patient in the third stage of his cancerous disease. The Doctor guaranteed, a surgery to remove the lump which is cancerous, would definitely help him live for another few years. We had no second say…surgery was carried out and I still remember how badly he wanted to be back at home.

At home he suffered memory loss, but he did not easily succumb. Back on the same road, he again faced yet another collapse, this time too at the check-up session! He was at the hospital for nearly a week, I received a call from my mother, informing me about the graveness of the situation. As my sister is settled abroad and we had not much ‘sensitive’ relatives, it was my spouse who often attended him at the hospital. He was, but this time stuck up with his work, but soon we left for native. I recollect how I directly reached the hospital to see our driver friend guarding my father in the intensive care unit. Me and offspring were permitted to watch him through the window screen. The pulse rate read 93, I vaguely remember…the doctor again assured me that things are going to be fine as he’s responding to the treatment. with that assurance, happily I left for home in the evening, by bus. The bus which had snail’s pace then sang a melody which was too symbolic and reminded me of the soothsayer of Julius Caesar.

It said ‘The setting sun which is burning in the valley, Is going to be ensnared by You ultimately…’

Sitting on the window seat, I felt a whirling sensation, soon my spouse called me to inform the deteriorated state of affairs and also the changed stand of the doctor. A soothsayer never proved wrong! That sleepless night, I informed my mother of meeting the inevitable end and she was rather courageous. Next morning, with my sister, I went to the hospital just to confirm that he’s bid a permanent goodbye. I shouted at the nurse, ‘look pulse rate is till reading,’ and she told me rather helplessly ‘it’s only the body warmth.’ All is done and gone, but the feeling of lasting loneliness and permanent desolation you pushed me into, my dear Pa…is perdurable.